Banana hammock Cullen men
by teenprodigy
Summary: very wierd and funny. just read and find out.


A/N- this is just a stupid idea I had after I got done with soccer practice. Some how funny and stupid at the same time.

One night I was just sitting in Edwards room, minding my own business when I heard a loud thump come from downstairs. What could have made that noise? Certainly not my precious vampires! So I went down to investigate, unfortunately. If I could have redone that day I would in a heart beat.

I slowly crept down the stairs and peeked around the corner to the living room. There I saw Emmett, Edward, Jasper and Carlisle; they were all dressed in matching white bathrobes. Emmett whispered something to the others too low for my human ears to hear. Suddenly they were on the move.

The four men rushed to Edwards silver Volvo and were driving away with in moments. Some little voice in the back of my mind was mumbled, "Don't go!" But the other, much louder voice was screaming, "Don't lose them!"

I sprinted to my car, surprisingly, not tripping. I almost thought that I had lost them, but then I noticed the Volvo's tail lights slowing for a red light up ahead. Why are they heading to Port Angeles? I was going to stop a few cars behind the Volvo when a car pulled in right beside my car forcing me to a stop right beside the Cullens. I started panicking, not wanting to be found out, I ducked.

"What am I doing!?" I whispered to my self.

I carefully peeked over my door and realized that the Volvo was gone! The light had already turned green and I had a bunch of angry drivers honking at me from behind. I quickly drove off after the Cullen men. After about another thirty minutes of driving we reached Port Angeles. The Volvo pulled into a dark, narrow ally way, the guys swiftly got out and ran into a lone door.

What in the world are they doing? I parked my car and inaudibly opened the door. I had stepped into a dark hallway but there was a faint light up ahead.

"And fro our next act… The Cullen Cuties dancing to My humps!" I heard cheering, cat calls and even a few whistles. that's when the song started.

What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,  
I do it on the daily,  
They treat me really nicely,  
They buy me all these ices.  
Dolce & Gabbana,  
Fendi and NaDonna  
Karan, they be sharin'  
All their money got me wearin' fly  
Brother I ain't askin,  
They say they love my ass 'n,  
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,  
I say no, but they keep givin'  
So I keep on takin'  
And no I ain't taken  
We can keep on datin'  
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)  
You love my lady lumps (love),  
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),  
My humps they got you,

She's got me spending.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.  
She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

I rushed to the side of the stage, shuddering at what I saw. Dancing very suggestively was Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Edward. Well actually Emmett was pole dancing, Jasper was standing in the middle of the stage slapping his butt, Carlisle was doing the electric slide and Edward was huddled in a corner hissing profanities under his breath. They were all wearing matching red Speedos with rhinestones studded in the shape of the first letter of their names.

What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
What you gon' do with all that ass?  
All that ass inside them jeans?  
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you scream.  
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).  
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.  
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.  
I could be your baby, you can be my honey  
Let's spend time not money.  
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,  
Milky, milky cocoa,  
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I'm really sexy,  
The boys they wanna sex me.  
They always standing next to me,  
Always dancing next to me,  
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.  
Lookin' at my lump, lump.  
You can look but you can't touch it,  
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,  
You don't want no drama,  
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama  
So don't pull on my hand boy,  
You ain't my man, boy,  
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,  
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.  
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)  
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)  
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)  
In the back and in the front (lumps)  
My lovin' got you,

She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.  
She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
What you gon' do with all that ass?  
All that ass inside them jeans?  
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you scream.  
What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off this hump.  
What you gon' do wit all that breast?  
All that breast inside that shirt?  
I'ma make, make, make, make you work  
Make you work, work, make you work.

(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) _[x4_

She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me  
She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

The Cullens lined up and bowed. Emmett whispered something to the other guys; they all groaned in anguish. Emmett just shrugged his shoulders and said something that's sounded close to, "You have to."

Then, simultaneously, Carlisle, Jasper and Edward took off their red Speedos and flung them at the crowd. I was so stunned at this that I couldn't even move when they made their way off stage, covering their privates up, right towards me!

They walked right past me, then suddenly stopped.

The four men all turned at once to me, Emmett had a sheepish grin on his face.

"We… Uhm we were… yeah." Edward stumbled for words.

"What are you doing at a strip club Bella?" Emmett happily grinned.

"I was in Edwards room then I heard a thump. I came down to investigate when I saw you guys rush out the door. I was interested so I followed you here. Wait a second! What are you guys doing here?!" I point my finger at them. "And in Speedos. Well used to be in Speedos."

If vampire could blush all of them with the exception of Emmett would be cherry red.

"Well…Uhm…we uh…yeah." Stuttered the Cullen men.

Emmett spoke up. "Well I made a bet with them and they lost. At first I wasn't going to dance with them, but I come here every Thursday anyway for hot wings night."

"Emmett you don't eat hot wings, or anything for that matter!" I stared at him incredulously.

"Oh yeah, that's right." Emmett said with a distraught look on his face.

"What was the bet?" I stated.

"Huh?" Edward countered.

"I said what was the bet!"

"IM SORRY! I CANT HEAR YOU!" Edward yelled pointing at his ear. He rushed out the door and to his car, we heard his car tires screech and he drove away.

"That was weird." Emmett said.

"Jasper, Carlisle, what was they bet?" the both stared at me with wide eyes.

"No hablo English." Said Jasper quickly then ran to the door.

"Jasper you speak English all the time!" I yelled.

"No I don't! you only think I speak English!" He screeched from outside.

"I think I hear my mother calling me!" Carlisle said hurriedly and rushed to where jasper hid.

"YOU DON'T HAVE A MOTHER!" I yelled at him.

"Oooh… harsh." Emmett said then made a sound that sounded like a strangled cat meow.

"Shut up! Emmett you are going to tell me what that bet was weather I have to bet it out of you or not!" I growled evilly.

A/N- if you want to know what happens… you have to review!!! Dun-dun-dun!!!!


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